The Art of Emotional Damage
How to Get Over Anything Fast
There is only one universal truth in love. If they like you, you will know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused. No, they don’t need space, they don’t need time, they don’t need to find themselves, they’re not the type that doesn’t commit, they haven’t “just been hurt a lot”— they don’t like you. It has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with you or your value as a person.
Maybe it does, maybe you are trash. But love is blind and even if you are trash, if they liked you they would have created the narrative in their head in which you are a treasure. Let it go baby. There are plenty of other people that won’t like you as much as you like them and there are plenty of other people that you won’t like so to be stuck on one is just bad investing.
“Oh, what’s the point? When I like them, they don’t like me, when they like me, I don’t like them. Why can’t I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don’t like?” — George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Old Man
Being Rejected is The Best Thing That Could Have Happened to You
Imagine you fall in love with a person who hates soap. And you generally enjoy being clean. And they tell you, they will never like soap. And you accept things will always have a questionable organic smell. But they meet another anti-soaper and leave you for them. Does it mean you are less? Sometimes people gravitate towards their own.
Now imagine a scenario where they didn’t leave you. Years and years of disgusting smell would creep into your bedsheets, curtains, and carpets. You too would get the same smell because you’d be sharing your life with this filth. The dishes would be very dirty (they hate all soap in this narrative so dish soap is included). Your friends would stop coming over. This would be normal for you. You would look back and think fondly of soap-filled days. Now replace soap with any “I can’t commit” narrative.
But maybe they’ll learn to like the soap? You think. Maybe, it happens, I can’t say it doesn’t. It just happens so rarely, just enough to fool you that you are the exception. So go ahead. Spend years of your already short life trying to change someone to be something you need them to be, instead of changing your need to be validated by external factors, it’s totally worth it, for them, right?
When you put people on a pedestal you just become a peasant. You put them there, you take them down. Or worship the breadcrumbs they throw at your pathetic existence.
Fall in Love With The Pain
The mistake I used to make in the past was trying to ignore my feelings by distracting myself with: Alcohol, partying, work, working out, 3 million new projects, new hobbies, travel, and whatever else I could think of not to think about the tragedy. Turns out that just creates a domino effect that comes out later in form of some breakdown. Depending on your general personality these breakdowns can be harmful to you or to people around you. Mine were a bit of both.
You might think you are a weak little bitch if you take the time to cry but you are a weak little bitch if you don’t understand that you are just causing emotional constipation. Have you ever been constipated? It sucks. This is what you’re doing to your heart. Imagine, your heart is full of shit. Take the pain to a new level, really make it hurt. Music does wonders for this, some sweet Billie Holiday or whatever makes you cry. Fall on the floor, be dramatic, call your friends and overanalyze what went wrong. Go wild. When you think you can’t handle any more pain, when you can’t breathe from how much you cried, it won’t be the end. But you will take an emotional shit and feel a little lighter.
** if you get suicidal thoughts you’ve gone too far, be careful with this **
The Holy Block Button
Once you’ve cried the life out of you, or even before really, it’s time to block them. There is nothing that will keep the process of letting go stagnant like contact with the person you are trying to erase from your heart. And the best part of it all they know when you’re letting go so they will always pop up just as you are about to let go completely. I don’t know if they do it on purpose or if is it an internal need in all of us to have our ego cradled that keeps everyone doing this shit. Either way, you can’t expect them to take responsibility for your emotions so you have to block them, everywhere. They don’t care about you enough to try harder to get to you. They don’t care about you enough to feel like shit for anything they’ve done. And if they do, you’ll know, as we established.
In cases where you can’t block them (kids, work, class, or whatever) you’re kinda fucked I have to admit and really I don’t know what to tell you other than careful who you choose to have kids with and don’t shit where you eat, but what’s done is done. Now if you see them regularly the process might take a bit longer. But keep your communication related to the thing that’s keeping you stuck together.
Really this is all known advice, it’s not like I’m here inventing something. It’s just that we don’t listen. None of us listen. And no one does what they’re supposed to until it's too late. Whatever.
The Revenge in Form Success
The urge to be petty is so lucrative and the sweet taste of instant revenge is tempting like a cold beer on a hot summer day. But take it from someone that once did follow this urge, in the end, it’s only you that will suffer. Stay classy my friends, stay away, and do not gossip — bitch to your close friends, yes, but only them. Keep their name (and genitals) out of your mouth, what they’ve done to you is theirs to process, if they ever do, but you can’t be the one to try and hurt them just because they hurt you. They’ll get theirs when they get theirs.
If you want to “show them what they lost” make it so it works for you. I read a post on Reddit about some guy whose girlfriend cheated with his friend. One of the worst possible scenarios one could go through. He was a videographer/ photographer who wanted to take time off work to be with his girlfriend more, start a family, and that crap but she had other plans. I can’t find the link to this thread no matter what I Google but I remember it, so some details might be wrong but it’s still a good story.
She and the friend in the story were both fans of some DJ and this legend of a guy decided to put his energy into work until he eventually got hired by the same DJ. His name popped up on all the promo material for shows. He has access to all the backstage areas, he works personally with the DJ in question. Imagine the sweet sweet misery these two felt when they saw his name there, and yet, he didn’t do anything to hurt them. Is that still petty? Yes. I mean who can be perfect? I remember him writing that in the process of this, he stopped caring whether or not he hurt them, he just started really enjoying the work. The point was, to do something that will make you a better person. If they regret losing you (which let’s be honest they won’t but ok) — great, if not, you are still a better person.
That is the art of emotional damage.
